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Profile text: 2/15/25 Been awhile since i have read my profile and i see it is getting to be a Diary instead of a profile ...lol ... So sorry in advance for the longggg Read... I was going to make a joke about homosexuality, butt fuck It I Won't ...LOL 7/17/24 Seen this joke and I thought I would add it here and maybe give someone a LOL After I got Married, My Husband insisted that I come with him on his trips to the local Store... But unfortunately, Like MOST men; I found shipping boring and preferred to get in and get what I need and get out.. Equally unfortunate my gay husband loves to browse.. yesterday my dear husband received the following letter from the local store manager where we shop.. Dear Mr Harris over the past 6 months your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, Ban both of you from the store.. are complaints against your husband, Mr Harris are listed below and documented by our video surveillance cameras.. 1) June 15th he took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's cart when they weren't looking .. 2) July 2nd set all the alarm clocks in housewares to go off at 5 Minute intervals 3) June 7th he made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom 4) July 19th walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, code 3 in housewares. Get on it right away. This caused the employee to leave her assign station and receive a reprimand from her supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. "We do not have a code 3".. 5) August 4th went to the service desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway 6) August 14th moved a caution wet floor sign to the carpeted area... 7) August 15th set up a tent in the camping department and told the children of other Shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillow and blankets from the bedding Department to which 20 children obliged 8) August 23rd when a clerk asked if they could help him he began to cry and scream "why can't you people just leave me alone" EMTs were called 9) September 4th looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose 10) September 10th while handling guns in the hunting Department he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were 11) October 3rd started darting around the store while suspiciously loudly humming Mission Impossible theme song 120 October 6th in the auto department he practiced his Madonna look alike using different size funnels 13) August 18th hid in the clothing rack and when people were browsing through he would whisper "pick me pick me" 14) October 22nd when an announcement came on over the loud speaker he assumed a fetal position and screamed "Oh no not those voices again" 15) took a box of condoms to the checkout Clerk and asked where the fitting room was... and last but not least 16) October 23rd went into a fitting room shut the door, waited a while, then yelled very loudly "hey there's no toilet paper in here" 12/11/2023 Well it has been awhile since i have updated this, Well I was dating someone and found out he could not keep his pants on. LOL... I just don't understand in this day and age that people can not be faithful when in a relationship that they agreed to enter, They say they are looking for a LTR, But Wonder Lust seems to find it's way in.. But oh well.. I am the last true Romantics and still hold out hope 1 day I will meet the boi of my dreams that is looking for a dad for the long haul.. lol... So I guess nothing has really changed.. But here is a new joke Prostate Extra A gay guy goes to doctor. During prostate exam he says "Hey doc your ring is kinda hurtin me, can you take it off?" and the Doctor says "I'm sorry, that's not my ring that's my watch" Ok I lied ...LOL... here's 1 more Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there." 9/4/21 Well I came off the Road again cause I am looking for a home life, If there is such a thing ...lol And yep I'm still single, Even tho for the life of me I don't understand why. I am a very easy going man and I love hard, Where are all the younger guys that are looking for a loving and stable relationship with a great and loving dad? I have a good job and a stable home, What more could anyone ask for? someone please tell me what I am doing wrong ...lol UPDATE 5/20 Well I am back to driving again. So that means i am traveling again and looking for friends and HOT boi's along the way.. drop me a line and lets see what we can make happen, Never know you might find the dad you are looking for all along... I have a good job and I am comfortable.. What I seek tho is another story ..I am looking for a Younger man under 30 that is looking for love and security, What I would call old school love .. Someone that is willing and able to go into it for the long haul .. Now some people have told me that I am looking for something that I won't find in a younger guy .. but I have seen it work for others so I know it is out there.. and I am willing to walk the road to find it .. the question is are you? Now more about me ... I am what you would call 1 of the LAST TRUE ROMANTICS.. I love deeply... I believe in trust and monogamy and this is not negotiable... I like Flannel sheets and love cars and trucks and I also try to spend a lot of time outdoors ...Looking for someone to do things with and to CUDDLE up with @ night and watch something on tv. I play Vid games like DDO and WOW and Neverwinter . but in the bedroom I am all Alpha Dad Sex between a true top and a true bottom is a sacred act. A TOP is masculine, expanding, entering, exploring, conquering, penetrating. A bottoms sexuality is accommodating, drawing in, opening, submitting, beckoning, willing sacrifices his manliness to the top. By spreading his legs and allowing his Top to penetrate him and conquer internally. The bottom having given himself entirely to his Top, he then receives from his Top, the Tops manliness. Which moves inside him ultimately releasing inside his bottom. Anal sex is key, because it is the most intimate act two men can share as well as the most fitting way for a bottom to submit to his top. For the Top to dominate and fulfill his bottom. With a true Top Man his sexual organ is his penis, for the bottom his primary organ is his anus/ rectum. A bottom should revere and submit to his Top Man and constantly try to please his Top Man. NOW FOR A LMAO !!!! READ BELOW A man was having premature ejaculation problems so he went to the doctor. The Doctor said "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, Try startling yourself" That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol and ran home to his husband. That night the two were having sex and found themselves in the 69 position. The man felt the urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day he went back to the doctor who asked him how it went. The man answered " Not well. When I fired the pistol, My Boyfriend pooped on my face, bit 3" off my penis,and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air..... So I'm at Wal-Mart buying a bag of Purina dog food for my dogs. While in the check-out line, a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. DUH! Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT??? So on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have any dogs, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and that I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and all you do is load your pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask me and be prepared for my answer. I have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. The only thing that the I.R.S. has not taxed is the penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it's hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it's pissed off, 30% of the time it's hard up, 10% of the time it's in the hole. On top of all this, it has two dependents, and they're both nuts. Accordingly, starting January 1, 2018, penises will be taxed according to size ! To determine the category, please consult the chart below and confirm this information on page 2, Section 7, Line 3, of the standard 1040P form. 10 to 12 inches................Luxury Tax...............$50.00 8 to 10 inches.................Pole Tax..................$30 6 to 8 inches...................Privilege Tax............$15. 4 to 6 inches...................Nuisance Tax.......... $5.00 PLEASE NOTE: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ***** Males exceeding 12 inches must file Capital Gains Sincerely, Pecker Checker Internal Revenue Service To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude but fell asleep and burned his penis. Not wanting to miss out on his date with the hot blonde, he applied some ointment to his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up at his apartment and after dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused. A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced immediate relief. The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his shaft fully immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you load those things!" The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over sixty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." "Yes", she says, "I remember it well." "OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle, he thinks to himself, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble." So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Sixty years ago that wasn't an electric fence." I will add more as time goes on so check back You have to be registered and logged in to contact Cowboyup |
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